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20 weeks – an update

This is technically the half way mark. Assuming I make it to 40 weeks.

So far I’ve felt a lot of things this pregnancy: stress, anxiety, pain, nausea, ect. My first trimester, while mild compared to some, was difficult for me. Six to eight hours of nausea every day is a challenge for anybody, I think. Even the first few weeks of the second trimester were rough.

My appetite had completely disappeared. I wasn’t hungry and couldn’t figure out what foods I would even be able to stomach in order to get some nutrition in my body. It made meal times excessively stressful and guilt weighed heavy on me. I felt like my baby wasn’t even born yet and already I was failing in a pretty major way.

Thankfully, pregnancy is a process that will function with very minimal effort or input from me.

When we went for the anatomy scan (mid-pregnancy ultrasound), we found out that my baby was larger than they expected her to be. It’s not terribly surprising since babies grow at different rates after the first trimester – she’ll probably have a couple of weeks were she doesn’t grow the “expected” amount (or at least I hope, since I don’t want to have to deliver a 9+lb baby). But it was reassuring to see that even though I was struggling, she wasn’t. That does mean that my body is prioritizing giving her nutrition over my body and that can be an issue in the long term. Having the calcium sucked from my bones isn’t a good thing for anybody involved.

But in the long term, it’s not a problem because, gloriously, my appetite has returned. With a vengeance. For months I’ve been given advice to eat every 2-3 hours, first to help with the nausea and then later, to help with the general not eating. It was hard for me to remember to do, because I’m the kind of person who didn’t even eat lunch very frequently, much less additional snacks throughout the day. But now, I’m actually hungry that frequently. One of the things on my to-do list for this week is to prepare portioned snacks so I can make it through the day without succumbing to temptation of french fries and Wendy’s frosty, my favorite “vegetable”. I woke up in the middle of the night last night and all I could think about was going downstairs for a bowl of raisin bran. I settled for the almonds I keep beside the bed and went back to sleep. (After getting up to pee of course, some things about pregnancy are true for everyone).

Since about week 18 or so, I’ve felt SO much better. I have energy. And the motivation to do things around the house – cook dinner, or do laundry. We hosted some friends for dinner last night, a feat that would not have been possible for me this time last month. It feels good, I feel more alive somehow. Not to mention that I have a bump now. Like a proper, no denying it bump that I can hold and rub. I’ve started to feel movements too, nothing major and it was really hard to tell at first. In fact, it still kind of feels like gas moving through my digestive system – if the gas kept moving in the same place in my stomach over and over and over. But it’s her, and I’m happy.

I know that the second trimester is generally considered the honeymoon phase and things have a tendency to decline again in the third. But my entire life, my mother has always said how much she loved being pregnant with me. I didn’t get it at first, and maybe I won’t feel this way later but right now

I love being pregnant.

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